Heads up. Today's post is rambling, and far too long, with too much information you didn't need to know, but its all stuff that has been on my mind and heart, and I needed to get it out. I promise tomorrow I'll be back to sharing something far more entertaining and light-hearted!
Many of you have asked how my new job in real estate is going, and the short answer is that it is okay.
When I have an event filled calendar work day, it is good..I would even say great. Events (appointments) equal money, and I need to be working as close to full time as possible. I like working with people, and helping them, and I love houses, and all that goes with the topic, so the job itself is a no-brainer perfect fit.
But...
When I have a slow day, it is pretty much an all out battle in my head, trying to stop myself from worrying about income, or the lack there of, and what my future might look like, while trying to continue to be productive (and busy my mind) with other things. (I proclaim that I am keeping the faith, all the while trying to control everything, and having zero patience while waiting on the outcome I desire.)
...
You know how you have those certain moments of life, that are frozen into little crystal clear snippets of life memories in the back of your mind? The ones that spring forward when something of significance that is kind of similar to it happens in life, and you suddenly have that de ja vu feeling and think, "Oh, I've felt this before"? Some of them were fabulously amazing moments in life, and some you'd so much rather erase from your memory completely. Well, the slow days of work are kind of like that, a de ja vu experience.
I remember oh so clearly, like it was last week, the night I became suddenly single.
(... only I didn't know it yet. I would come to realize that my life would be forever changed the following afternoon.) I was at home, alone, not at all understanding why he was so upset when he left, and yet, something inside my told told me something big was happening.
And awful.
...
And it was.
Life as I knew it ended, and the years seemed to creep by for a while. I s l o w l y became who I am now.
Anyway.
For those slow-little-or-no-work-events moments (which seem to be far more often now that the summer home-buying frenzy has ended), I feel like I am back in that place in time. That frightening, cold-sweat, pitch-black-dark-as-night petrified moment that feels like it surely won't ever end, and you actually begin to think that you very well might die from the confused-and-scared state of panic you are in.
And you would be okay with that, because you have no idea how to get through the next ten minutes, let alone the next week.
(In some oddly weird way, it is actually scarier this time, because I feel I am far too late to the save-money-for-your-golden-years party to recover financially from this, I am now more than a decade older, in my 60's now, (actually arriving at retirement age by most folks standards) and all of my hopes and best laid plans of a nest egg left with the last economic downturn and housing crisis, never to be resurrected.) They say one in three people reach retirement age with no money. I am that third person.
I need to be, and I am grateful for the job I have, and embrace the parts I truly like about it, which is good because I will be (hopefully) doing it for a long time to come.
The not knowing what is going to happen to me financially, and where I will be a year from now, and feeling completely and totally ill-equipped in trying to figure it out, (It turns out that I am not Harland Sanders, after all.) looms over me, as I struggle to get my career and financial life to return to some (any) sort of even, steady keel.
Some background on how I landed here...
As you may recall, I was laid off from the job I had worked so hard to climb up the income ladder to earn a really good living at nearly a year and a half ago now. Every single minute since then, I have been searching my mind and heart to find what God's next adventure for me might be. (I didn't have a plan beyond that last job, but I trust that surely He does.) I have a long (two year) non-compete clause from that last company that laid me off which didn't do me any favors, and while I job hunted, I worked on my etsy shop banners, and my booth at Camas Antiques, (What is that they say? When one door closes, another opens?) but saw very little change in my bank account numbers.
Ugh. (Apparently that was not my door.)
I started to get more than a little freaked out. At my oldest and dearest friend's encouraging, I decided to try the real estate thing, as an associate agent. I like people, and customer service, and I figured I had nothing at all to lose, as I had no other job prospects in my pipeline. If you have read my blog for a while, you know that I studied, managed to pass the licensing exams, and took the job.
Nearly seven months later, I have learned the job and feel I do it well, but I continue to walk on financial unstable ground. Basically being on call, and learning to live with a schedule (and paycheck) that ebbs and flows is dicey, and not for the faint of heart. It seems to be a feast or famine atmosphere, and that doesn't make for a secure feeling when I look at my bank account. (In other words, if money were no object, and I was doing this for fun money, this would absolutely be a dream job.) I like the working-with-clients part a lot, as well as getting to take tours through some pretty interesting homes, but the giant question mark as to how much (or little) work I will get, and what the daily jobs will actually be is taking time to adjust to.
Will I ever get used to this, and just take each day as it comes?
I dunno.
I hope so. I try and look at each day as an opportunity to do as much as I can, and enjoy whatever it is I am doing on that particular day; some days it is easier than others.
I think it's pretty clear that this is another lesson in patience and trust.
(Insert ginormous sigh here.)
I'm going to take my seat and do my best to stop trying to drive the bus.
