And some days I am more okay with that than others.
When you're out of work not by choice, that's how it is, I think. I have faith that everything will work out, because...well, because I have faith.
While searching for that illusive next career job position, I have kept myself insanely (and quite happily, I might add.) busy with the things I am passionate about; my family and friends, my paper creations, my home, and my booth space in Camas. Having the opportunity to spend more time doing these things has been (and continues to be) the sweet spot in my life, but I can't help but kind of hold my breath as I wonder what I am going to be doing for grocery money a year from now....what adventure God has planned for me next, after I learn this latest mysterious life lesson He is most assuredly trying to teach me. I have yet to discover what the lesson is, but I know it will be clear to me later, when I am looking back on this chapter in my life.(Is it patience? Is it trust?)
Truth be told, I rather fear that I am making a full-on career out of starting over every so many years. I know. It's all about getting back up when you're knocked down, but I feel like I already mastered that, think my character has been built pretty substantially over these past eleven or so years. (Uh-oh. Maybe it is about fully giving up control...again.)
Anyway, last night I was job hunting online, and packaging up etsy orders, and worrying...which I truly do not do all that often. As I said, I have faith. I am continually reciting this verse in my head: "She is clothed in strength, and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future."Proverbs 31:25
It's just that I'm sixty-one-derful and I am still searching to figure out what I am supposed to be doing job-slash-career-wise. I picture my grown children having hushed conversations behind my back, scratching their heads and wondering what kind of job their Mom is going to be doing next. Large Animal Veterinarian recruiter? Mochaccino Barista? Glitter Sales-Ambassador? I keep looking at Harland Sanders over there on my stack of string, and reminding myself that he eventually found success doing something he cared about, and it turned out all right.
I was on the verge of getting myself all kinds of jacked-up when I came across this quote: Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it's about un-becoming everything that isn't really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.
Can it be that easy?
I guess I'm gonna smile, while I take my seat on the bus and stop trying to drive it, (Again.) and watch what happens.
#onlyGod #Idontevenlikecoffee #mynotsoordinarylife #livinonaprayer
