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It was love at first sight. I saw these adorable eggs on her Blog. They were only 40 cents each, so I emailed her right away. Could I get some? Would she ship them? Yes. Yes!
They arrived yesterday. Oh, how I love pulling in the driveway and catching a glimpse of a package on the porch! Yippie, skippie! (and even the packaging was charming)
I'm not sure where in my cottage these little beauties will end up, I'm only sure that I love 'em. A lot.
Thanks Amy.
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I hosted an intimate midsummer diner party last night, and we had such a nice time enjoying the yard, the dogs, the food and the company of each other. Good times.
As I was setting the table, it occurred to me that I haven't shown you the fabulous table linens that the Sewing Queen of northern Nevada made for me! Don't they just make the table look oh, so elegant?
Just ignore the modern-ish looking chairs. I was lucky to find this patio set in my price range at a yard sale a while back. Beggars can't be choosers on style or color when thrifting. The chairs will (hopefully) soon disappear (I've offered them to the newlyweds) once I find four mismatched wooden kitchen chairs that I can paint up, all shabby in cream or robin's egg blue....that will complete the look I am really after for this outdoor dining area.
I tried out Rory's fabulous House fire steak and sugar grilled asparagus recipes, and mm, mm, mm, were they a hit. All these years, and I never really ever learned how to cook on a grill. He did that. Now, I'm really getting the hang of this barbecue thing....(I'd like to think of this as kind of a silver lining to the becoming suddenly single thing.)
Anyway.
We all gave the entire meal five stars, along with my friends mache lettuce with cantaloupe salad and bruschetta appetizers, and the breeze came up just in time to create the perfect night to sit outdoors.
Here's a parting shot of the charming ground cover that I have planted between the "not-my-favorite-thing-but--am-stuck-with-them-anyway" cinder blocks. It's all filling in so nicely. (If you click on the photo you can see it up close!)
You know, I never knew until I became suddenly single that I was a gardener. (I am thinkin' that just might be another silver lining)
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Don't
pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines. ~Satchel Paige,
1974I need to post this one where I can see it, and be reminded of this everyday.
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Whew! Busy day. I wanted to post earlier, but here it is after 9:00 Saturday night and it's my first chance at the computer.
This week's saling haul was fruitful and fun. The Navigator and I took along an extra passenger, a friend of ours that wanted to see what it was really like "out there". She wasn't disappointed.
Our unusual find of the day? A large faux (Fiberglass maybe?) shark head. Hmmm, no thanks. We all passed on purchasing this baby.
See the fabulous cake stand, and the pewter candle holders? The candle holders didn't photograph well, but trust me on this one, they are full of ornate detail, and they weight a ton.(Click on the photo to see them enlarged to get a better look at the detail) I love 'em, I love 'em, I love 'em.
Here's my haul for the day, in all it's entirety, registering in at a mere $20.50.
A pretty nice pile o' stuff, don'tcha think?
*Sigh* I'm not sure what I want to do first, break out my new Mary Engelbreit alphabet rubber stamps, or set up the croquet set in the back yard.
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It's probably no secret at all to you that I have a small addiction to table ware. You know, dishes, serving pieces, flatware, table linens. (well, you've seen my Entertaining Closet) They all inspire me. I mean, charming tableware can make even the most ordinary meal special. I even like just looking at it in the cupboard.
I am inspired by the artistry of flatware as well. It's really got personality, and I think sometimes we forget about it as an important detail to our table. It can change the look and feel of a table setting, like shoes can make your outfit.This set has ebony handles with pewter-like details. I love the antique look and feel of it.
Talk about inspiring. This flatware is just so detailed and sweet. Miniature works of art. I feel special using it. Every. Single. Day.
OK, how fun is this set below? If you're not inspired to throw a barbecue and put on your cowgirl boots with a fabulous apron by now, you simply cannot be inspired.
You know, I've had these dishes with the ant trail crossing the plate for about 15 years, and I still love it to pieces. I even have marshmallow roasters that match.
Barbara Bush supposedly bought this set for some big Texas style barbecue back when George Sr. was in office. Really.
I found the interchangeable sign about five years ago on clearance at Pottery Barn. Of course, the Sewing Queen of northern Nevada made my napkins. Perfect.
*sigh* Pretty tableware. It charming, useful, and it doesn't have to be expensive. More than half of mine is thrifted. It's part of being inspired to live a really beautiful life.
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OK, I am now inspired. I have found my calling. Yes, my own personal special purpose for fondant. No, I won't be frosting cakes totally with fondant frosting. (Eeeeeuuuuuw...) But, I will be using fondant for flowers. Carnations and mums and daisies and cosmos. Oh!And ribbons. And bows.
I know it's hard to tell in the photo, but that little white thing is not a wadded up tissue, it's a fondant carnation!
It will be so fun to make some of these, in various colors, and nestle them in with buttercream roses and a big fondant ribbon bow on top of a cake, or just put them, alone, with some buttercream leaves, on top of a cupcake. They will be oh, so, so cute.
Tonight, in class #3, I will learn how to make fondant daisies! Oh, my. I can hardly wait to make my next batch of summer bouquet cupcakes.
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I haven't had a moment to share about my first fondant cake decorating class, which was two weeks ago. I learned quite a lot. Like...Well, I learned that fondant doesn't taste all that good. Actually, it tastes rather...yucky. A bit like sweetened play dough.(Quite a bit) Why is it so popular, when it's not oh, so delicious? I don't understand this at all, and I mentioned this repeatedly in class #1, until I am positive that my class mates wanted me to leave. Or just be quiet.
But, back to the cakes...The fondant is really easy to work with. We covered our cake boards with fondant, and we made a cute little gum paste flower shaped box to use as a decoration, or favor holder. (see the photos) So far, easy as...cake.
Tonight I am going to the second class (I was supposed to go last Thursday, but had an event for work and had to change class 2 until this Wednesday, followed by tomorrow night's class 3...have I completely confused you?)
Anyway.
I had to "prep my cake for tonight's class by frosting it lightly with buttercream frosting. It's just an undercoating for the fondant, so it didn't have to be perfect, or neat or anything. And thank goodness, 'coz we're havin' a heatwave here again, and it had to be done lickety split, and put back in the fridge before it all melted. I'm not sure of the reason for the undercoat of buttercream. I guess I'll learn why tonight.
I just can't seem to get my head around this concept of fondant not tasting yummy, so if you have an answer (or know of a brand of fondant that is tasty) please do share! The idea that anyone (a bride no less) would buy a cake simply for
the looks of it,(and fondant cakes are pricey too) and pull the
frosting off when it was time to eat it...well, I just don't get it.
*sigh* but then, I am a die hard buttercream fan.
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Whew! We're having yet another wave of heat here in the biggest little city. I was craving something sweet,and cold to eat. Suddenly, I
remembered I had peach sorbet in the freezer, left over from the weekend before last, when I had a friend over for a nice summertime supper.
Mmm, sorbet. It's the perfect light, cool, refreshing summer dessert, for sure. Add a few sliced peaches on the side, and it looks oh, so gourmet (So Next Food Network Star)
Aah.Now, that hits the spot.
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Well, it's decided. America voted. The Next Food Network Star was selected and will now have their own show and God knows what all else.
Oh, come on people, admit it. You watched it. At least the finale, right? (If you didn't, you'll most likely not be able to help me, let alone understand this post. at. all.)
You know I am a Food Network junkie. I am woman enough to admit it. And to admit I watched it. All of it. That is, all of it, except the final 25 minutes.
Uh huh. Oh ya. I had it on all afternoon, and checked on bits and pieces of episodes as I came and went from the room, even though I had pretty much seen them all already. Mmm hmm, the entire season, re-run in a complete marathon, back to back, leading up to last nights grand finale of the Next Food Network Star. (yes, my life is one big exciting moment after another these days, but you knew that)
Then, at 9:25 pm I had to leave to pick up the Maid-of-Honor at the airport. Flight delay. (can you even believe it?! And before you ask, no. I do not know how to work my recorder for the thingamajig on the TV, and I do not have TIVO)
So. Here is what I do know...
I do not believe for one nano second that the entire "Jag lied about his biography" was even the slightest bit true. My theory? It may have all been a staged ploy for ratings. (Think about it...it makes for good Food Network television, don'tcha think?)
And cutting Amy, then bringing her back, well that just seemed like part of the staged drama to boost ratings too.. she just never should have been cut in the first place. (look how many challenges she won...)My only concern with her was that she tried to be a little too gourmet sometimes...Like those egg things she made. They looked yucky.
I like Rory too. (even if she does look like a tough chick in her photo.) In fact, Amy and Rory were my two picks when the group dwindled down to the last few cooks. I liked how Rory seemed real, a "Calamity Jane" in the kitchen at times, I think they called her. Oh, and her house fire steak with sugar grilled asparagus. Mm, mm, mm. Now, that sounded and looked dee-lish.
Anyhoo. It's all history now. Another Food Network star is born.
If you watched you know who it is.
*sigh* And now someone's got to tell me. Then, I've got to figure out my big plans for next Sunday.
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Aah, Saturday. Yard sale day. This sign says it all. Good. Old. Stuff. There were some real deals out there today.
Here's an eye catching "Free" sign. Creative use of blue painters tape,huh? I didn't need a washer or dryer though. Oh, well. Today's yard sale trip was quite productive, and I still managed to come home with change from a twenty dollar bill.
I spent a grand total of $15 and here's what all I got:
*sigh* This is the way to start a weekend.
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I thought for today's Inspiration Friday I'd share places in my home that have an infusion of lace. You all inspired me yesterday to go that extra mile and add some lace to my linen entertaining closet! (Extra thanks to Deb for the suggestion!)
Aah, lace. It softens a room, adds a vintage feel, and can cover a multitude of sins (like a watermarked table top, or a bad view out a window)To me, lace adds a touch of romance to any room.
I am pretty partial to lace. Back in April, I even shared a wonderfully inspiring book, entitled, "Living with Lace".
A jar filled with vintage looking ribbons and lace, or a vintage lace table scarf thrown over a dressform adds a romantic feel to a room, don't you agree?
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I know, most people would use this as a linen closet, but I like to keep my linens close to where I use them. Towels in the bathrooms, extra sheets in the bedrooms, table linens in the dining room buffet.
Since I've been doubly blessed to have two (Oh! That is such a neat part of this cottage!) hall closets, and large ones at that, I am able to have a closet to house my vacuum, my ironing board, and a fabulous old dresser (that now holds important stuff like candles, batteries, dust cloths and spare light bulbs) as well as a second hall closet full of shelves.
The second hall closet (so big it has two wide bi-fold doors, thankyouverymuch!) I am quite sure was meant for linens,and it is not located off the kitchen (rather it is off the entryhall) but, I use it to house my overflow of inspiring, dishes and serving pieces, most of which are thrifted, or gifted to me from my dear Grand-dad after my Grandma passed.
I got the idea for this closet set up when I first began unpacking all the serving pieces after my move, and I couldn't find a good safe spot for my Grandma's vintage china and crystal. It wouldn't fit in the kitchen, and this just seemed to make sense, plus it is so easy to see all of the serving pieces at a glance when I am setting up to entertain. No more running around the kitchen like a loony-tune, looking for things. (OK, I will probably always run around the kitchen looking like a loony-tune, but not because I'm trying to find my pedestal bowl...)
Every time I peer in here, to gather a serving piece or two, or just to look, I get a nice warm, fuzzy feeling.
*sigh* There is joy in order.
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...Always.
I painted this sign last night to hang above the French doors in my cottage dining room. I saw a picture of a sign hanging in someone's kitchen on a home tour on somebody's Blog, and I adored the sentiment. (sorry! I don't remember which one of you shared it, but thanks for the inspiration!) I made a mental note to make one for myself, when I got the time.
I shared the technique on how to paint verses on things when I made my garden sign from an old headboard a short while back. The cake sign was actually an old sign I already had that was a Thanksgiving themed sign, and I didn't have the right spot for it in my cottage, so I just thought I'd reinvent it as a year round sign. A little bit of primer and paint, then a bit of antiquing (You really can't see it unless you click on the first close up photo to enlarge it, but I used a tobacco colored paint to antique the edges of the blue area) and what was old was new again.
I think it kind of lightens the mood in the dining room, don't you?
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Aprons I mean. I love them. Old or new, vintage chic, or hip and trendy. They seem to be everywhere now, and each one cuter than the last. I know I am not alone in my love of aprons, so I want to share something I found last week.
While surfing the net, I stumbled upon a this Blog and then somehow ended up at this website.
Wow.
Not only do these girls run a farm, a Bed and Breakfast, and share their very own "Farmgirl Chapter Movement" they publish their own magazines and books. One of these magazine issues was devoted entirely to aprons. Mmm hmm, I said aprons, people!
I sent the link to the Maid-of-Honor. We both knew we needed this magazine. It said it came with five free apron patterns,(I mean they were included in the magazine) and pictures of ten more MaryJanesFarm apron patterns you could order. (No, I do not sew, and no plans to sew, but I am related to the Sewing Queen of northern Nevada, and the Maid-of-Honor herself sews like a dream, so... I'm just sayin'.)
Anyway.
After two seconds of discussion, the magazine was ordered. Today, not more than seven days later, what do you think arrived by post? (in a manila envelope no less, to protect it from damage along the way) That's right. The faaaaaabulous issue about aprons. A great book and great customer service.
This magazine had no ads (other than for MaryJanes Farm items) and the photography is as fabulous as the patterns and the articles.(click on any of the photos to see them more clearly) Pure inspiration, I tell you. (I'm so stoked, I am half tempted to start wearing my red checked cowgirl hat with my apron when I barbecue)
*sigh* Way cool.
OK, I'll get off of my soap box now and get back to painting the kitchen cupboards.
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I needed these.
They are so summery. So cute. They were on sale. Actually a sale, on top of a sale. Really.
Did I say I needed them? Well, I did.
Really.
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Sometimes the most urgent thing you can possibly do is take a complete rest.
*sigh* True words to live by, although I am guilty of not heeding this advice myself.
I hope you're taking time to rest and rejuvenate, and enjoy this summer Sunday.
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It's no secret to anyone that I am half crazy into nests, birds and pretty anything associated with them. So, you can imagine the pure delight I felt when, out junkin' today, we came upon this beauty of a bird feeder. I stole this treasure from a guy (Who clearly had no idea of the value of the prize he had) for a mere two dollars. Ya baby. I'm just. that. good.
I won't be able to put bird feed in it of course, because that would just be mean, what with Mr. Bear and Moose hanging around under the tree just waiting to scare the ba-jeebees out of any little bird that dared to try and stop by for a snack there. *sigh* Oh well. I just know it's just gonna make the yard.
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It was brought to my attention that we Bloggers that are participating in Inspiration Fridays are breaking some kind of copyright laws when we post magazine pictures, so I am going to try and share some of my own "Inspiration Friday" ideas. Let me know if you think it works, or if I should scrap the idea.
OK, so this week I thought I'd start by sharing something I personally find inspiring to any room. Lighting. They are the mood makers in the evening, after all.The right light fixture in a room can completely set the tone.
I love lamps. And chandeliers. Old ones. New ones. Refurbished, reinvented ones.
TJ Maxx tops my list of favorite places to find affordable, fabulous lighting. That's where I got the sweet vintage looking birdcage lamp. See the sweet little bird finial peeking out of the shade up on top? Cutie Patootie.
Oh, and this chandelier in my livingroom came from Home Depot. It was pewter-ish (nickel?) colored so I spray painted it flat black to achieve the look I wanted.
One last thing. Let's not forget my favorite kind of lighting- candle light. *sigh* Talk about setting the mood. Perfect atmosphere for sitting back with a glass of wine on the chaise lounge, listening to some Jack Johnson and enjoying the peacefulness of the quiet outdoors in summer.
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The Maid-of-Honor is throwing the Bride-to-be a shower. In Portland, home of the incredibly cool restaurants. Naturally, she found the funnest, most unique location for the event. She's throwing the shower at McMenamin's Kennedy School, in the Agness Kennedy White Library, no less. It's an old elementary school turned restaurant with several bars, and you can even get dinner and watch a movie in the gym.
Another really unique thing about this particular McMenamin's is that it has also been recreated into a hotel. Yessiree, it's way cool. They hold all types of events here; weddings, reunions, parties, showers. *sigh* Man, ya gotta love Portland.
So, anyway, back to the party...
When I heard where the shower would be held, I begged to be the one to make the invitations. Oh, it's going to be such a fabulous event. I went with the school theme of course. I used old school pictures of the bride and groom,(they even make a cute couple as fourth graders!) and used the old jump rope rhyme along with the chalkboard look. 
Oh ya. Drinks may follow in the Detention Bar. (How fun will that be?!)
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Yup. It may be between 100 and 104 degrees here in the biggest little city (a long series of record highs within the last week) but last night I turned on my fabulous new oven and I baked up some mighty fine cupcake love for my friends at my grown up girl job anyway. My friend Gail inspired me by sending me this fabulous cupcake post a few days ago. After seeing these, with nests and birds and all, well, I mean, I had to try creating my own version of them, heat wave or not.
My rose looks a bit droopy in the photos because it was still pretty darned hot last night, and I need to perfect my bird technique by using frosting that is a bit stiffer, but all in all I was happy with the results. Especially the little babycakes nests with eggs. 
I am working hard at perfecting the subtle colors, and I got some new, different kinds of cupcake holders. (It's the one on the back left corner cupcake) I've seen cupcakeries use them...hmmm, they're a bit of a challenge to get the cupcake out of them, once it's baked and frosted. I am not sold on these. Oh well, I wouldn't know until I tried them.
I baked the regular sized cupcakes, and babycakes as well. So sweet. My friends are gonna love them.
Oh, so pretty.*sigh* Birds, nest, flowers and cupcakes. Some of my favorite things.
*edited to add: see my post right below this for info about my darling new banner!
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What did I do before I knew all of you people?! How did I manage?
It's already past eleven o'clock and I should be in bed, but I just had to write a second little post tonight to say a big huge THANK YOU (sorry, but I felt the need to shout it) to all of you that gave me your two cents on my Santa's Workshop. (What on earth was I thinking, considering get rid of it?! It would have been just like my last doll house I got rid of, all over again!) Santa's workshop stays! And, yes, someday (God only knows when...) I will finish it. You all helped me see the light. *sigh*
And, look up! See that faaaaabulous new Blog Banner? (If it isn't showing, hit your refresh button) My online friend Carol (we're kindred spirits, I just know it) made it and surprised me with it tonight! I just had to put it up. Right. Away. Oh, I love it, with the bird's nest and the chaise, and... oh, it's all too wonderful. See the words? Create, nest, dream. My sentiments exactly. Thank you so very, very much Carol!
*another long sigh* I'm off to bed now to count my blessings.
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I need some advice today.
I've always had a thing for miniatures. So fun to see something real, in teeny, tiny form. I was part of the Club Little House swaps that Amy started a couple of years ago. *sigh* So.Much.Fun.
I used to have a very large doll house. It was such a fun hobby. My girls and I went through a time period when they were around eight and ten, where we really had a ball arranging and playing with it. Time passed, the novelty wore off, the doll house got dusty and I sold it. (Good God, what was I thinking?!)
About two years later, I bought a small doll house kit and decided to create a Santa's workshop.
When I first began this labor of love, I invested many, many hours into the little workshop, building and painting, and making the sign above the door and posted the workshop hours...
I even hand painted, a' la (Sp?) Mary Engelbreit, a work table (there is an identical one to the right of it, still awaiting a paint job...)
I made an office for Mr. Claus upstairs, complete with his globe and maps for planning his route...
and even added framed miniature photographs of his three favorite children.
*sigh* Oh, I need some direction here. Why? Because, again, time has passed, and this little treasure is barely more than half completed.
I have managed to hang on to the dear little workshop,
moving it twice now, although it sits in a lonely guest room closet, waiting for me
patiently, to find the time to finish it up and enjoy it.
I am not even sure where I can showcase this little workshop at holiday time. It takes up quite a sizable amount of space.
We do not even have a miniature shop in Reno anymore, which means I would have to be shopping online (and in Portland!) should I decide to get with it and complete this project.
Do I keep it (someday I'll surely have grand babies that will love it too) or do I sell it or donate it now and move on? I'd love your input and ideas. Really.
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Not the kind with mustard and onions. No, I mean that in the most literal sense. Three of them. (Mona Fleasa was visiting for the weekend) We've been having a record breaking heat wave here,(103-108 degrees every day for a week now...) and as miserable as I have been feeling, I can only imagine wearing a full length fur coat 24/7.
Yesterday while I was puttering around the house, the pups were all crashed in the coolest spots they could find.
Mona was on my bed near the open window, hoping for a breeze. Moose and his duck were passed out in my office.
Bear alternated between laying miserably in the hallway and in the shower.(no, I do not turn on the cool water for him, he just likes the cooler-than-the-carpet tile)
*sigh* I have to keep reminding Bear and Moose that winter will be here before we know it and we will be wishing for these hot days of summer. (right?!)
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I know I already posted today, but I just had to share....
With the holiday, yard sales were sparse here this weekend. I did manage to find a few fun new pieces, and spend twelve dollars and fifty cents. I already have a vintage typewriter, but this one I am going to take to work. We are moving to a brand new, larger office in mid August and I thought this one could go in the new reception area. (Hmmm...maybe with a thought for the week?) For ten bucks, I just couldn't pass it up.
I am going to use the Robin's egg blue urn for my make up brushes in my bathroom. (only paid fifty cents for it!) Last but not least, I just loved the detail work on this dear silver pitcher. I'll have to use a bit of elbow grease to clean it...two dollars., and worth every penny.
Hope you are keeping cool and having a fabulous weekend!
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That's right. Fondant cake decorating school, at Michaels Craft Store. I can hardly wait! I am sure I've told you that I used to do cakes for birthdays and weddings and such when my babies were wee small. Rolled fondant came along later and I've always wanted to learn, but never had time. I bought this book when it was newly published,(way, way back in 1991) and couldn't figure out where on earth you'd buy such amazing stuff as fondant. Well, wait a decade and a half or so and voila! Classes are now available for all of us.
Class starts on Thursday, and I've got all my supplies ready to go. All that's left to do is decide which apron I'll be wearing. (I'm thinkin' this one....)
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With Independence Day falling mid week, we all get to celebrate that much longer. Here are a few pages from magazines past that inspire me.
Decorate indoors and out. I don't think you can possibly have too many American flags. In this case, more is more.
Oh, my! Look at this fabulous table scape!
And, how about getting the entire neighborhood in on the whole thing? I love this picture.
Hope everyone had a safe and happy 4th, and I wish you all a wonderful weekend.
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(*I think I watch far too much Food Network.)
I've said before that I think Cindy and I are kindred spirits. A week or so ago, she shared her napkin ring (ribbon) idea and asked us to share ours as well. I'm up for the challenge. (Better late than never, I hope.)
I have a few that I had pictures of from table scapes I've done in the past. (you might remember them) There are the always "so-easy-but-looks-just-so-charming" napkin in in a cup...
or a glass...
And here is a link for making your napkins look like a rose. If you fold several this way, you could put them all in a basket at a buffet. How cute would that be? Some pink, a few green...I am gonna have to try this idea!
Speaking of table scapes, if you're a Rosanna dishes fan, you just may want to head on over to their site and enter this contest they have going. It's a table scape contest, and you must use some of their dishes, which wouldn't be a stretch, 'coz they're so cute!
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Let me start off by saying that I know I will be fine. Really. I do. I just feel like I need to be perfectly honest with you, because I am afraid I have misled you into thinking I am someone I am not. Also, please know that I am well aware that my troubles are minuscule in comparison to many other people's problems, but we all have our trials and situations to deal with, and in that, I am no different than anyone else. (I suppose I'm having a bit of a pity party this afternoon, and if you care to read on, you're invited.)
Each day, when I write a post for my blog, it may appear to you that I am blissfully happy all the time, just an endless bundle of energy, doing project after project, like the Energizer Bunny. Maybe it even appears that I am oblivious to the fact that there's been a life altering event happen a few months back. That's really not the case, and I never intended to come off that way, although I must admit I am doing many, many more projects than I was a even thinking about a year ago. It's the reasons behind what motivates me to do these projects that you don't read about in my posts.
You know how some people know just exactly what they want to be when they grow up, right from the start, and some folks aren't sure, till life kind of unfolds a bit? Well,growing up, I was definitely in the former group. From the time I was able to play with dolls, I wanted to be a wife and mother. I knew this all the way down to the bottom of my toes. I wanted to be the best there ever was at this.
I was a bit awkward in high school, self conscious in some ways, not confident in myself at all,(much more academic than cheerleader type for sure) mouth full of braces all the way through, until senior year (and headgear!) newly divorced parents in a time when nobody had divorced parents, trying to figure out just where I fit in. (feeling like I was the parent at home, trying to act like a kid at school) All of my friends had boyfriends. Then, at seventeen and a half, I met a boy. Had my first kiss. *sigh* I was crazy in love with him.
Four years passed and I married that boy. Still crazy in love with him. Made three absolutely amazing babies with him. I knew I was one of those lucky people that landed their dream career on the very first interview. Being a wife,mother and homemaker was a perfect fit for me. Not once did I take for granted the blessing I had been given. I even used to tell my friends just how very much I loved my life, how blessed I was.
Becoming suddenly single is just so, beyond foreign to me. Monumental in proportion when compared to that phase we as parents have to go through when we realize we're empty nesters. I really am having to learn how to do it. Decorating a home, this I know. What to do on a Friday night after eight o'clock, by myself, not so much. I am well versed in how to have "Date Nights" with my husband, but I have no clue how I would ever find someone to date, (if in fact I ever manage to get the divorce finalized.) Hosting a dinner party, I know. Going solo to a dinner party? Ridiculously uncomfortable at this moment in time when I am the only single person at a party of seven. Please don't get me wrong. I cherish my cottage, my family, my beloved pups, but sometimes I hit a wall and it is like waking up from a very bad dream, all over again.
Likewise, at home, at night, after eight o'clock, I am at a complete loss. The "other " side of the bed is covered in books, magazines, pillows, whatever, for two reasons. First, that bit of weight feels like I'm not alone when I roll over in my kind of faint sleep. Second, the piles are there because I cannot sleep. I read, I peruse magazines, I watch TV because sleep. does. not. come. ( I never even had a TV in my bedroom the last eight years.)
Working on all of these home projects till all hours of the night keeps my mind busy, and it is a positive activity that keeps me from dwelling on what cannot be changed. If I do not work on home projects, accomplishing something, then I just sit there, propped up in bed like a little night owl, watching Jay, and Conan, and many, many more crummy comedy shows that never even made it to prime time. I've seen every new video and I've been tempted to order Joan River's jewelry (Dear God! what does this tell you?!) from QVC segments. I'll tell you, it makes so much more sense for me to be up painting a cupboard than watching late, late night TV.
My gal pals are for the most part, married, with kids still at home, or they are single, but much younger than me, and navigating the waters just fine on their own, with their own urban tribe type cliques that are much more commonly found in many single thirty and forty somethings.
I am sharing all of this with you because I feel like I need to set the record straight. I fear that all of you wonderful people out there in Blogland think I am some kind of remarkable person, with out of the ordinary energy levels and ideas, with a ridiculously happy grin on my face 24/7, when in fact it is nothing more than my own self prescribed treatment for beating this quiet loneliness, my way of muddling through each day's odd moments that seem to spring up out of nowhere, and it has grown into a very therapeutic way of getting through the grieving process of the death of my now 29 year marriage to someone I mistakenly thought was going to be my life long companion, side by side, through those golden years. (not to mention that feakin' giant hole at the end of each evening.)
I just want you to know that I am not amazing. While there are many happy things in my
life, actually more and more each day, and Blogging has
been and is still a great motivator for me to get things done, I
struggle each day with the bigger aspect of getting on with life as a
suddenly single person who was quite clearly much more suited to being
half of a twosome. I worry that this will be my life, doing "things" to keep busy.
It's not fair that he left me. It's not OK that he didn't miss a beat, and exchanged partners for those golden years of evening walks and porch sitting. But, it is so.
It's plain and simple: I do not know how to be single. I am tired of having my character built. Seriously.
With that being said, please don't feel bad for me, or feel the need to reassure me that I'm going to be fine. I know this. God walked me through the fire this far, I know he isn't going to leave me now.
*sigh* OK, the pity party is officially over. I'm going to make some lemonade and go work in my garden.
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