I stumbled upon some pictures a couple of weeks ago of the last house I lived in while I was married, quite by accident on my computer. See this picture?
It's a picture of a small portion of the front left corner of the "Big House" as I refer to it these days. The photo was taken in the fall, as you can tell by the ridiculous amount of pumpkins scattered all about. (I am and probably always will be a more-is-more girl, with holidays, shoes, and pretty much everything else in my life, try as I may to scale back my enthusiasm.)
Anyway, I get the oddest sensation, looking at at this picture after not having seen, or even driven by this place in over four years. It gives me a weird kind of deja'vu feeling. (kind of how I would expect I'd feel if I were an amnesia victim...) Did I live there, really? Was that my home, with the husband, and kids, and dogs? I can smell the pine trees and see inside that door, but wait....was that really my life, or was that some other girl that I knew who only remotely resembled me?
I remember the girl that lived in that big house. She was happy to a very nearly idiotic point, and she felt her life was full.
And well planned. (Oh, that girl was all about having everything all planned out.) And organized. She knew exactly how her life story was going to unfold...she thought.
So..ya, that makes me say that life is funny. Like the other Tracey likes to say, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." (Ain't that the truth.) When I looked at those pictures and tried to really remember the girl in that house, I realized that while I definitely have my struggles these days, I am genuinely happy with the actual person that I have become. I've gotten to know myself better. I've realized that I am a survivor of sorts, and I have become a risk taker...with my out-of-the-ordinary ways of earning a living, and with my heart. I've also learned not to take myself quite so seriously, and I've loosened up a bit on needing to have my life all planned out. (Okay, I am still working on not jumping ahead at times, but I am definitely moving in the right direction.)
The reason I am sharing this with you is that so many of you have written to me over the past couple of years, sharing the sudden changes happening in your lives as well. More of us than not seem to have found ourselves in a new world we didn't expect, want or plan for. Lay-offs, divorce, or serious health issues seem to be a reality to so many of us these days. While these things might not remotely seem like a good thing in the beginning, there are so many silver linings to be found, if we just take the time to look a little closer.
Blessings in disguise are still blessings, after all.