Who's drivin' this bus anyway?!

I've been told that I can be a little obsessive compulsive,(I like the word "driven") a wee bit of a perfectionist,( I prefer to say "detail oriented") and that I am sometimes..er..inflexible (I like to use the more positive word, "focused") Now, mostly this just my kids that say these things. Okay, my kids and my friends. Alright then, my kids, my friends and my Mom. Whatever.    
       We've all heard the saying, "when God closes a door he opens a window".  I've been struggling lately with what God's plans are for me and for my not-so-ordinary-life. Without going into all of the boring details,I have been in a limbo-like holding pattern for quite a while now (9 weeks and 3 days, but I'm not counting) and I got a phone call this morning that put an end to my waiting, at least for the time being. (or the next nine to twelve months, which ever comes sooner) It was not the holding-pattern ending I was planning for.
     What the...?! How could this be? I was so sure of what the outcome would be (and even when it would be) that I currently have a garage half full of moving boxes, and I had designed invites for a packing party. (OK, the part about me being obsessive may be accurate) But, that was just me being proactive and walking in faith, wasn't it? (I could have sworn it was...)       I know I'm not the one driving the bus, I'm just a passenger. I get it. Really. (Well, for the most part I get it. I'm "focused" remember?) I am not the one in charge, I need to ask for guidance; to be still, and  listen, and watch for signs, but I still have that knee jerk reaction of "oh-no-I-am-quite-sure-that's-not-the-plan-He-has-in-mind-for-me" attitude when an answer seems to appear that isn't what I had been planning for.  After I had a good long one and a half minute cry at my desk with the door closed, I decided to stop the pity party right then and there and do my best to bloom where I am planted, and "live where I live" as the card designer likes to say. I tell ya, this let go- let God stuff is sometimes so much harder than it sounds. I wiped off what was left of my mascara, reminded myself who was really driving the bus, and took my seat near the big newly opened window.

Comments

[kathy]

Oh boy do I relate. I truly wish I could grasp the Offer it up to God...on good days I can :) or if it's someone elses problem. Then when things aren't going according to my schedule I stress..OK freak out is more like it. With all of life's lessons I should be a genius. Oh well, the bright side is without the distractions in life I would not have accomplished half the project over the years. My kids tell me they always knew when I was a bit upset..ticked big time...I'd pull out the vacuum. Let's just say we had a very clean house. Today I came home from work and sanded and painted two chairs...guess that tells you a little about my day ha ha. We're with ya. I'm sorry for your disappointment.
Best,
Kathy

[Judi]

Tracey.....
Okay, you might not be driving the bus but are you sure you can't jump the driver and wrestle the wheel away? Can't you just see it? Arms flinging, shoes in the air.....
Alright, alright....it might not be the lady-like thing to do but geez....if it's wrecking your mascara then you have to do something!
Now that I got that out of my system.....
I really am sorry to hear that things are not going as planned/wished. Sometimes we board the bus, thinking we're going to New York then we end up in Poughkeepsie. Maybe you'll like it better in Poughkeepsie. Who knows? I know I've went to Pughkeepsie more times than I ever thought possible....;-)

Just love your blog and I keep rooting for you!
Judi

[Meghan]

((HUGS))

[Jane]

Blindsided and heart hurt. I'm so sorry. Grieve a while, then dry your lovely eyes and expect something so much better that you never thought imaginable or possible. Bless you.

*~( tender embrace )~*

[Dawn]

Oh Tracey, I'm sorry sweet girl...it is hard to swallow the "everything happens for a reason" when it's not what WE want to happen. I do know this though...you are amazing, wonderful and talented and no matter where you are, you will shine!!! love and hugs, Dawn

[Kathleen Grace]

I have had a few of those moments where the bus didnt stop where I thought I was supposed to get off. I can tell you in all honesty though that God had something even better for me every time and often when I looked back I could see what a disaster that stop would have been. Hang in there. God knows the route perfectly:>)

[Kathleen Grace]

I have had a few of those moments where the bus didnt stop where I thought I was supposed to get off. I can tell you in all honesty though that God had something even better for me every time and often when I looked back I could see what a disaster that stop would have been. Hang in there. God knows the route perfectly:>)

[Kathleen Grace]

I have had a few of those moments where the bus didnt stop where I thought I was supposed to get off. I can tell you in all honesty though that God had something even better for me every time and often when I looked back I could see what a disaster that stop would have been. Hang in there. God knows the route perfectly:>)

[Becky H]

sorry things are not how you thought they`d be. I hope they turn out better.

[kelly]

Hello,
maybe your to make happy cupcakes where you are for now ....dont give up on tommorrow....things can change on the flip of a dime......you have talent and no matter where your planted it will just bloom no matter where you are...watch under the tuscan sun ....there is some good lessons in that movie.....about letting go and when the time is right kinda stuff...I finally bought the movie and watch it every few months.....still waiting for the lady bugs....but I know they will come when its time.....Kelly

[Gayla]

Yep. Your blog hit me where I "ride" the bus... and it seems like my bus is going absolutely nowehre right now. I do need to live where I live... I just don't really want to... but I do wish I could, is that a start? Hugs.

[Sher's Creative Expressions]

Gee, if I was there I'd give you a big hug and take you out for a hot fudge sundae. That makes everything better.

Sometimes in life, it's looking back and seeing what we thought we wanted, isn't really what would have been best for us afterall.

I do agree, HIS plan for our life is sooo much better than anything we could ever dream up for ourselves. Just WAIT and SEE!!

Blessings,

Sher

[Arlene McComas]

So does this mean you are staying in your adorable cottage...Oh. My. Glad it is such a cute place! Hope you will feel re-settled soon.

[Vanessa {Bloom Right Here!}]

Wow! Your post sure spoke to me. I've been struggling with this for awhile now. I blogged about it here: http://vanessacovington.blogspot.com/2008/07/thoughts-on-blooming.html

Notice that my blog is "Bloom Right Here!"

[Layla Palmer]

Everything will be okay in the end.
If it's not okay, it's not the end.

- Unknown

[Marge]

Tracey,

So many of us are cheering for you to be happy! You can't imagine how you have touched me with your creativity and ideas, but most of all sharing your life. I hope that you'll emerge from this difficult time stronger and with even more plans. You have accomplished so much with the twists and turns that you have encountered over the past few years. Keep working to make your new dreams a reality!

[GiantsPrincess]

Oh Nooooooo! Tracey, I'm so sorry that the bus flew right by your stop. I know how much you were looking forward to hopping on and getting a new adventure.

However, it seems that God's plans for you are just a bit different. As hard as it is at times, we need to trust in Him and - as you said - sit down next the newly opened window and see what comes your way.

{{Hugs}}

[Lynn]

Hi Tracey -- I am so sorry that you are hurting now. My experience is that God will bring you something so much better than what you can ever imagine -- that is certainly my prayer for you!

[Glenda/MidSouth]

I'm sorry! I have been there more than once. I won't say I know how you feel, because we all handle situations differently. Hang in there! You are a very talented lady and it will all work out. "Hugs".
Glenda/MidSouth

[christmasriver.wordpress.com]

Hi there,
First time I've commented your wonderful blog, but I have to today. Because you are where I am friend! Just when you think you've got it all figured out, it seems like God does a big back-flip! But He showed me that our life is like travelling along a highway and we can only see the few kilometres in front of us. We can't see side roads, stop signs or traffic pile-ups from where we are. But HE CAN! He's up in the traffic chopper guiding and directing us around and through all the potholes! And we can trust that. Love your blog, you inspire so many with your creativity - bless you always.
Shani @Christmasriver.wordpress.com

[Cathy]

Honest post...BEAUTIFULLY written.

[Jennifer]

Tracey,
Bless your heart. Reading all these comments, you have a lot of prayers going up for you this evening. How wonderful is that? :)
Disappointment is so hard to live with but God in His glorious love and mercy will carry us through and in a little while, it will all look, feel and be...better.
It's just the 'getting there' that is tough sometimes.
But of all things, take this to heart,
your blog is such a delightful, helpful and
inspiring place to visit! I look forward to each day, seeing what you have to say.
Thank you for that. I think you have lifted the spirits of many, many people.
Now, know that you are being prayed for, and know without a doubt that your sweet and loving Lord has His strong arms around you, guiding and protecting you. Listen, He is telling you how much He loves you and that it's going to be okay. Believe it.

[Barbra]

Dear Tracey:

Might that open window provide the view to a writing career because that 'beauty of a script' I just enjoyed held a pack of emotions...humour to capture my funnybone and spiritual insight to gather me into the holy hush of God's mighty plans that are ALWAYS the fit of perfection (dispite our miopic vantage point)........... I know there is a 'story within the story' Tracey, and I hold a gentle prayer for you this night that this 'bend in the road' will reveal what was always where you were meant to wander....... A "gem" would be the adjective you missed as your described yourself Tracey!! :o)

God Bless,
Barbra.

[Connie]

Oh Tracey, I feel your pain. Sometimes it's just easier if we imagine ourselves plopping all our concerns into God's lap and waiting for Him to take care of it all...like a kid waiting for mom/dad to "fix-it". (tapping into our inner child) We oftentimes get hung up on planning our lives that we forget it's already been done. Once again, you've helped us all open our eyes and realize "who's drivin' the bus". God bless you and your blogging ministry. You touch so many lives.

[Barbra]

Tracey,
I go to this blog everyday from my computer in Kansas. I am so sorry that your life is upside down. I've had a most stressful two years as well. I'm in your corner cheering you on and know that you will bloom where you are planted! Life goes on and you'll be fine. I just know both of us will come through this stressful time in our lives on the other side with a smile on our faces!
Barbra

[suzanne]

I'm sorry, too for your disappointment. "BY faith"...some of the hardest steps one can take, but often they lead to a rainbow....here's hoping you find the first color soon! :)

[tina]

It's not always easy to follow God's will, to have faith in where he leads us. I'm sorry you are disappointed. Take care and know we are here to listen ~

tina

tinam61@yahoo.com

[Jessica]

Tracey, you are so faithful to continue to show who is in control....you just thought it was time for you to get off that bus....but He has a better place for you to get off!
Blessings to you in your patience and continued willingness to give God the control of your life. Look how far you have come already!

[Elaine L.]

The lesson I repeatedly seem to have to learn is that everything is in God's Time, not necessarily my time.

Hopefully everything will reveal itself in hindsight.

Hang in there!

~elaine~